Once upon a time there once was a little Bad Dog once. For close to an eternity he was lost in the disenchanted forest, her ears constantly assaulted by the appalling sounds of the shrieking kylimagagas, narrowly escaping their slavering jaws snapping at his tail, trying to drag her down to their hideous hell world of mediocrity. "You must like our crap music!" they brayed, "shave your pubes!". "You suck if you're not beautiful, built and a mindless name-brand consuming moron!". "Seriously, is THAT an iphone 3??? Ha ha ha ha!!!" they taunted. Life was tough and dangerous alone.

Then one melancholy day, as he was about to cock her leg on a particularly mushroom like phallus, a tiny yet strong voice cried "Dude!! HEY!! For fuck's sake, not on the hookah!!". And there, much to her amazement, waving little gloved hands in the air, was a minute bespectacled witchetty grub, peering wide eyed from under a vibrantly hued parasol. Eyes brimming with sympathy the grub spaketh, "Say nothing Dog, your downcast eyes telleth your story ... so far. Delve a little deeper, look a little further, ask around. It gets better, it gets better. But first, find your pack you must!". With that the odd little creature vanished in a cloud of amyl scented smoke. Nothing left save a piece of paper fluttering to earth. It read:

"Once Upon A Bad Dog, Sunday the tenneth of June, 2012, 3pm - midnight at Tempe Jets Sports Club, Holbeach Avenue, Tempe...eth.

Tickets available for $40 + booking fee from The Toolshed, 81 Oxford St Darlinghurst, Maxxx Black, Level 1, 264 King St Newtown and Happy Endings, 660 Bourke St East Redfern."

As the full import of the words sank into Dog's consciousness a cool refreshing breeze arose and whistled through the trees. Listening carefully, a message began to emerge out of the noise - "muuuuusic brought to yoooooou byyyyyy Steve Swanius, Annabellerella Gasparella, Brother Goose Drayton and Puss In Footy Shorts Cotsssssis! Maaaaagical sound from Kevin Davidson! Portals to new and exciiiiiiiiting worlds evoked by Vandal! Jade! Marty Wooooooong! Photo booth of phantasmagorical wonder overseen by Princess John and Prince Joy! And it's on the Evil Queen's Birthday looooong weekennnnd! Prance you fuckers, praaaaannnnnce!"

As suddenly as it begun, the wind abated, the clouds parted and for the first time in millennia sunlight broke through to the forest floor. Lyrebirds, koalas and marsupial mice appeared out of the undergrowth to drape garlands of Lilly Pilly about Dog's neck. "This" thought Dog "is worth a go hey? And if I play it right, a happy ending's definitely comin' my way!".